Migraines!

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Over the years I've posted the odd note or three about my bouts with migraines. I even wrote an article for DeviantArt about them.

The Brain-Storm

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The Brain-Storm
By DeevElliott
cephalalgia by zilla774
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There’s a small cloud on the horizon as I stir from my sleep.
It is small and might blow away, but it feels too familiar to me. I shouldn’t take any risks. I turn myself over and try to push it away. It is so very early in the morning. I simply cannot bring myself to get up. I will live to regret this.
Two hours later I awake. The small cloud is bigger now, the tip of it touching the sun

My first migraine hit when I was 10 years old. Since then they've come in waves that seem to have no rhyme or reason. Sometimes it seems stress is the culprit and sometimes alcohol.

The worst period was between 2000 and 2010. I was getting them anywhere from once to three times a month. Around 2008 they were coupled with anxiety and panic attacks so bad I went to hospital thinking I'd had a heart attack.

I tried everything. The best pain relief I found was Excedrin Migraine. If I could take them before a migraine started, that first little warning sign I could often avert them.

About 2011 they miraculously started to clear up and went through a few years only having one every three months or so.

Then a couple of years they came back. By January of last year they were back at two a month. I figured it was stress or alcohol, but I was hardly drinking and the stress wasn't that bad either. Then in July they stopped again.

Thanks to some help from friends, family and a couple of therapists I've finally got them figured out. Sure, stress and alcohol are still going to kick them off but the biggest cause has been certain types of people. People on a particular spectrum. For nearly twenty years I was with someone who had Aspergers, on the Autism spectrum. It wasn't diagnosed until after we had separated. The Aspergers wasn't detectable until after we had our first child. She changed but my initial thought was that it was something I'd done. For the next ten years I was constantly doubting myself as she withdrew emotionally. She would tell me she loved me while undermining everything I did or thought of while I did nothing but encourage her in everything she did. I'm not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. Who wants to stay married to an old comic book fan who still collects toys and watches cartoon shows with his kids?

I could have left but we had two children and I'd already notice she couldn't read them, not emotionally or was able to read their emotions unless they vocalized it.

Our children suffered when we split. While it was initially amicable she refused to talk to me even when it was in the best interests of the children. I discovered 11 months later that she had been seeing someone before we separated. Of course I was the only one in town who didn't know.

On the plus side, as soon as we separated my migraines started to drop in frequency. Soon they were only every other month and then three or four times a year.

They came crashing back in 2015 when I was asked to look after someone's friend who had just had a massive heart operation. This poor guy had been massively depressed for years. His 5' 6" frame was carrying 370 plus pounds. It was only a matter of time before his heart gave out. For a year I became his cook, cleaner, exercise and life coach. He was a living library and amazing writer but he couldn't fry and egg or clean his apartment. I realized after my migraines started to come back that he had Aspergers. He was on the high functioning end. He is an amazing writer and editor. His ability to read three different books on the same subject by three different writers and weave them into what I could only imagine was a 3 three dimensional map/jigsaw in his brain that he could look in from any direction would leave me speechless. But his depressions and lack of empathy took its toll on me. I had to leave. He was in an abusive work relationship with someone who took credit for his writing in return for paying (sometimes) his rent. I couldn't help him any more and I was getting sick myself. I left him at 245 pounds, swimming everyday and getting on his treadmill. I was upset that he never even said thank you, but I don't hold that against him. I just hope he's okay.

So this little bottle of Excedrin I have in my hands is a 20 capsule bottle. I used to buy the large 100 capsule bottles and they’d last two months. This little bottle I picked up today. The first bottle I have had to buy this year.

I don’t have the migraines completely licked but at least I know now how to limit them.

Love,

Dave